oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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