u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize