I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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