So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Watching her eat just hurts me
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
