I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
