Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Your dad touched me again.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
