he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
