So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize