I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have tasted many bathrooms
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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