I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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