i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
