If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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