Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
