about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize