i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
