I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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