so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
