i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
