even my farts smell like vagina
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Found your dick twin last night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
