Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
