so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He passed out mid-signature
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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