it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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