OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
