I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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