To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
