arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you would pick up someone in the library
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
