my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
