you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
