So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
