so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm passing your future prison.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
