I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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