I need help removing her.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
People in love make me want to vomit
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
