Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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