If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
