I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize