his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
