Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
