Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize