at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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