i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
