even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
