I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
