My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
