and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
