you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
