Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
