Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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