A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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