i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
