So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
