There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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