Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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