why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Randomize
