life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize