just tell him i said nine months
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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