I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
