We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
