Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
