Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize