I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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