I swear she didn't look like that last week.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
