I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize