1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
3pm strippers are depressing
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
