Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
