Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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