Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
