Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
