He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I want to fling myself into the sun
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
