I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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