if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
