grandma shit on top of the toilet
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
