Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
