Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
