I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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