I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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