He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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